James Potter's Incredible Guide to Lily Evans
by Moonshine 369
Summary: Thingsand examples of what to do to win Lily Evan's heart. Full explanation and summary inside. Please R&R! The Christmas Edition PART 2 is officially up! R&R, por favor. :D
1. What Not to Do

**First off- Hullo, moonshine369 as you might know. This is my first fic, so I understand if you don't recognize me. Besides that, I just hope you enjoy the story!**

**Next-  
****Disclaimer: Yes. It really is sad. But I don't own ANY of these characters, except for the OC's I might stir in. I owe them all to J.K. Rowling, who I owe all of my ideas. Woo-hoo. J.K. Rowling. Yeah.**

**Explanation:  
Pretty much, to sum it up, James Potter's view on what to do when in the presence of our lovely Lily Evans. Basically, it's James listing things, but me, the amazing author, showing examples. Again, enjoy!**

* * *

_James Potter's incredible guide_ _to winning Lily Evans's heart.  
Fear it.  
Read it.  
Study it.  
Live it._

What NOT to do.

1. Use the element of surprise.

"So, yeah, that potions essay was—"Lily started as she was walking into the common room with her friends. She stopped abruptly when she heard a rustling sound coming from right in front of her.

"Hi, Lilyflower!" James jumped from behind a couch nearby, causing Lily to jump a bit, lose her balance, and fall over.

"Ooh. You're in bad condition. Maybe this isn't the best time to express my undying passion for you."

"You'd better run, Potter."

2. Use the "oops!" factor.

James was finishing up a Runes essay early one morning when Lily walked down the stairs, yawning sleepily. James, taking advantage of this, walked over to her and literally collided against her.

Early as it was, Lily wasn't expecting this. So, once again, she landed on her back.

"Oh, hi, Evans, silly my, running into you like that."

"Yes you've seemed to manage knocking me over twice in a 24 hour time period," she said, accepting his hand to help her up.

"Yes, some phenomenons, nature just cannot explain. Anyway, you seem to have such a knack for me, you might just do a fella a favor and let him escort you to Hogsmede on Friday."

"I'll pass, thanks."

3. Make her pity you.

"Evans, I just got a letter telling me that me mum an' dad died." James told Lily once cold November morning. He had to say, personally, he found that he had mastered the "I'm on the verge of tears but am just too insanely manly to blubber" look convincingly.

"Oh, shove off, Potter." Lily snapped, glaring at him as she always did.

"How could you talk to me like that in my time of need?"

"You told me this morning your parents would be at our wedding when we got married, and that when they came it'd be a nice break from doing 'all that boring stuff like'-" She mock gasped. "'-work' that you got a letter about this morning."

"Oh… yeaaahh."

Red in the face, James walked off.

4.Hypnotize her, especially if you haven't yet mastered the art of hypnotism.

"Help me with something, Tiger Lily?"

"Only if you stop calling me that."

James pulled a simple pocket watch out of his robes pocket.

"It's extra credit in my muggle studies—hypnotism."

"Is it now?" Lily asked, clearly unbelieving.

James nodded, grinning. He kneeled next to the armchair she was sitting in to level up with her ace, and began swinging the watch on its chain.

"Alrighty then." Lily rolled her eyes.

"Sh," James snapped. "Follow the chain."

Lily cut her eyes at him and then started tracing the path of the watch with her eyes.

"You are getting very sleeepppyyyy." James stifled a laugh.

But to his surprise, Lily's eyes were slowly closing, while she was still following the watch with her eyes.

"When I count to three, you will fall asleep. One, two, three."

Letting out a slow sigh, Lily closed her eyes and began breathing heavily.

"When you wake up, you will find a new love for a certain James Potter." He snapped, and Lily blinked twice.

"You know, James, I never noticed how amazing you were," she nearly whispered. He could barely hear her.

James grinned and began swinging the pendulum. By now, there was a small crowed gathered around the two.

"When I count to three, you will again be asleep. When I snap, you will awake and have an irresistible urge to snog me. One, two, three." Some of Lily's friend moaned. James's fellow marauders laughed.

"One, two, three," James said slowly with a grin four times bigger than his usual one. And shooting a look into his tiny audience, he snapped.

Lily opened her eyes and rubbed them, yawning. She looked at James like she'd never seen him before in her life.

"You know what, James? I suddenly feel like…" James grinned, feeling like he knew the completion.

"Slapping you," she said unexpectedly, glowering at him. And she did slap him. Hard.

The supporters surrounding them were now only laughing as Lily stood up.

"Sorry about your extra credit." She grinned. "You just won't get a job in anything that involves hypnotism, while on the up hand, my acting career looks great." She walked to the girl's dormitory, immensely pleased with herself.

5. Vandalize.

"LE and JR 4 ever," James whispered, as he sprayed those very words on a corridor wall with a can of muggle spray paint that he had recently acquired.

"So, professor, really, I was thinking you could-" Lily stopped when she spotted James down the corridor. "Err, excuse me," she told Professor Slughorn and dashed away.

"Isn't it beautiful?" James said when she skidded to a stop beside him, looking awestruck. He, on the other hand, had an expression of maniacal glee.

"Detention, Potter."

"You can't give out detentions! You may be a prefect but you're no professor," James laughed. "Even if you could, wouldn't you rather just snog me since I went though all this trouble for you?"

"Detention, Potter." That voice didn't sound like Lily's to him. "I want this wall scrubbed without magic by tomorrow morning. If you use magic, I'll know," Slughorn's voice came.

James turned around. "Tommorow it is." He saluted Slughorn, smiling mock respectfully. Slughorn walked off without responding. Lily gave James an innocent smile before hurrying after Slughorn. James just rolled his eyes, and muttered a simple charm that erased the paint. "Adios, slugbrain," he murmured.

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**Woohoo, another author's note! Just to say, I hope you enjoyed it. I'm going to try to get another couple "What not to do's" up soon-ish. Just a pointer, this might not ONLY be "What not to do's." Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Please R&R.**

**-moonshine369**


	2. Summer Vacation

**Hullo again! I don't know why I'm updating so soon, but I figure if I have it, I might as well put it up. Thanks for your many reviews! I'll try to keep the story going the way you like it.**

**Disclaimer: Characters are J.K.'s. Characters are not mine's.**

**Explanation:  
James has made an addition to the first section, of what not to do's on summer vacation. What is in italics is what James actually wrote, and what is in normal text is an example. Read and enjoy!**

_

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__James Potter's Incredible Guide to winning Lily Evans's heart.  
Fear it.  
Read it.  
Study it.  
Live it._

**James Potter's amendment to section 1 (What not to do in the presence of Lily Evans), What not to do on summer vacation (in the presence of Lily Evans).**

_1. Call Evans's house. Big no-no. I think her sister gets a bit unruly with this. I'm positive she wants to eat me._

"Hello?"

"Hi! This is James Potter again!"

James could hear Petunia groan on the other end.

"It would be easier for you if you just got Lily," he persisted.

"You should pay our phone bill, Potter," Petunia snapped. She paused, and then he could hear her call loudly into the next room, "Mom, we need caller I.D.!"

"Here, give me that," Lily walked up from behind her sister and took the phone out of her hands. "Listen, Potter," she hissed. "You call me one more time and I'll hex you to kingdom come." She slammed the phone on the receiver before he had a chance to reply.

_2. Just "Pop" in, and explain that you happened to be in the neighborhood. Smart child, that Evans… she seems to know that, no, London is not around the corner of her house._

"Hello, Evans Family!" A strange sight indeed, it was, James wearing a muggle attire and holding a bouquet of Lilies.

"Potter!" Lily rushed up to the door.

"I just happened to be in the neighborhood, I thought I'd stop by."

"You git, London is nowhere near here." Lily hissed, and closed the door on him. James knocked again, persistently.

Lily opened the door one last time.

"Don't you want your Lilies?"

_3.Bombard her house with letters. She claims they pile up when she doesn't read them, but I know she does, she just can't get enough. Her sister hates owls. Again, any day now, she might pull out a fork and knife and decide it's time for Potter con carne. _

"Mo-ther!" Petunia's screech could be heard from blocks away, according to Lily. "This Potter guy won't stop sending these ghastly birds!"

"They're not ghastly," Lily chuckled. She had just woken up and was in a fairly good mood. "They're just…" she opened the door, and on spotting the dozens of owls that were strewn on their house and up and down their street, yelled, in turn, "Mo-ther!"

_4. Send letters and presents to her mother asking for her permission to marry her daughter. I quote from Ms. Lily Evans herself, "Apparently she thought it was cute until you sent that dead mouse with one."_

In my defense, however, how was I supposed to know the furry guy needed air holes? And it was a hamster. Apparently Petunia doesn't like anything that crawls me, especially dead ones. Which sort of makes me wonder how she lives with herself, since she definitely resembles a dead crawly-thingy. Not good.

"AAHH!!!" Lily stood corrected. _This_ screech could be heard from blocks away.

"Mother, mother, look!"

Sighing, Lily and Petunia's mother walked to her children by the front door.

"Oh, look, it's from James." Their mother chuckled. "I thought he had stopped sending permission to marry Lily." Apparently Lily's mum hadn't met James face to face.

"Mother, don't open-" Petunia cut in, obviously having pre-opened the package. But her mum had already opened it.

Petunia screeched again. "Mother!"

"Eww," Lily said, quietly, taking the package from her gaping mother and walking out the door to toss it out. A tiny deceased hamster sat in the box. James seemed to get stupider by the day.

_5. Send a letter to her guy neighbor and talk about how simply amazing she is… especially if this neighbor has cracked ninety. How was I supposed to know? Now he wants to eat me, too. I feel sad when people want to eat me._

"Err, is Lily thare?" An elderly man was standing on the Evans's porch.

"Right here," Lily said, just coming down the stairs. "What is it?"

"Tell yer boyfriend to stop shendin' me lettersh!" said the old man, threateningly.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Here." The man handed Lily a letter. She didn't have to look twice, she recognized the handwriting as James's messy, slanted writing.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll take care of it."

"Errr, I hope," the man snapped as he walked off, mumbling about "The youth these days."

_6.Make fun of Petunia's boyfriends. While this has nothing to do with Lily, I felt like it needed to be written here. Especially don't make fun of that walrus guy. He's sensitive and he scares me._

_Haha. _

_Walrus._

_Mooo._

"Hullo, again, Lilyflower." James Potter stood at the door, grinning.

"Get away, Potter, we've got company."

"I know you do. I'm your company, silly." He stepped inside.

"No, I was just leaving," said a burly fellow with barely any neck.

"Bye, Vernon," Petunia said.

James looked up at the tall guy, and stifled a laugh.

"Go easy on the pastries, big guy," He chuckled after the man left.

"Oooh, Potter, I'm going to rip you to pieces." Petunia hissed when she heard what he said. "How dare you talk that way about my boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend?" James laughed even harder.

"Get out, Potter," Lily growled.

Chuckling still, James obediently walked out of the door. His last glimpse of the Evans family was Petunia glaring at him.

_7. NO SKYWRITING! The first time I sky wrote was the last. The old neighbor who had the writing over her house didn't like it too much. Maybe she'll eat me, too. Ha. You'll have to wait till Petunia and ugly old neighbor-guy have had their fill. Haha. Wow, who knew prophesizing my own death would be so insanely fun?_

James laughed as he set his broom down against the Evans's house. Skywriting was simple if you know what to do. Strap a smokebomb to the end of your broom and fly around to the letters. He looked up, admiring his work.

"Did you do this?" An elderly voice came from nearby. An old woman, hair in curlers, with a fat cat in her hand, was walking towards James.

"Yeah, I hired someone for it," He lied.

"Oooh, you little-"

"What? What's wrong with you?"

"Ginger here will get sick from all the smoke, won't you kitty witty?" said the woman, patting the cat in her hands that looked insanely annoyed. "I'm going to set her loose on you!" she screeched and jabbed the cat towards him. Quickly the cat jumped out of her hands with a fight that resulted in several scratches up and down the woman's arms. "Oooh! You're going to wish you never messed with us!" she yelled, and then ran after the escaping cat.

_8.Kittens. Lily loves them. They're great to put on the doorstep but after about the third one, Lily stopped letting them in. I can understand this, but not the part where she set her rabid bulldog on me. Well…maybe it wasn't a bulldog. Actually… it was a Chihuahua. And she didn't exactly set it loose. But, Lord, that thing had fangs! Isn't that just scary enough?_

"Potter, stop!" Lily yelled off her porch, with no viewable person to here.. Another kitten. Beautiful. One, she could handle. Two, she could live with. But if she let him go on, he would just keep dropping kittens on her porch until the end of eternity.

James came out of a nearby bush, grinning. "Why, I thought this one was especially cute." He picked up the tiny kitten and handed it to Lily. It was a orange tabby with green eyes. "It's the closest thing I could find to match your red and green combo," he explained.

"Look, Potter, I can't keep these." Lily walked off of the porch and to a low fence that connected to her back yard. She picked up a small dog, a tiny Chihuahua. "My dog will go insane."

"Lily!" James gasped. "How dare you? Look, your scaring mini-Lily."

"Here." Lily set down the dog. "I'll take mini-Lily to the pound. And stop with these animals!"

Suddenly Lily's dog had run up to James, and was gnawing at his ankle.

"Ahh!" he shouted. "Ahh! Evans, it's killing me! Help! Help!!" he cried, trying to get the angry looking dog off of his pants.

Lily just chuckled. "Come on, sweetie." She cooed the dog , who immediately came to her. "Wow, and I didn't even train him to do that."

_9.Threats. Lily doesn't tolerate them even DURING the school year. (Can you imagine that?) These only result in Lily Evans taking James Potter's owl captive. Poor Artemis. Little did Lily know, I still had two other owls at my house! Haha! I shall avenge my poor owl!_

"James, where is Artemis?"

James looked up from his desk when he heard his mother call him.

"He's being held captive. For ransom. We should call someone."

"James, your father needs to get something to the ministry quickly. Artemis is the fastest owl we have."

"He's at Lily's."

"James, you didn't--"

James shrugged. "Hey, you're the one who told me I needed a hobby."

_10. Taunt. Lilykins hates being taunted. Her neighbors hate being taunted more. Petunia hates being taunted most. I can just see it now!_

"Ugly ol' man, can you pass the salt?" Petunia said with a smile.

"Sure, Petunia." Replied Ugly ol' man, the one who complained about the letters

"This James Potter sure is yummy!" Said Ugly ol' woman, feeding her cat some.

"He sure is, ugly ol' woman!" Petunia replied, giddily.

"We love eating James!" They all said in unison.

_Okay. Well, that didn't really happen. But it could! You gotta keep your eyes open, which is the first step to winning Evan's heart._

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**There you have it! The next addition. I hope you liked it. Please review!**


	3. Things to Know

Hello once again! Sorry the update took so long. I went to Alabama, Indianna, and the beach, and just didn't have much time to write. Plus the whole _major _writers block factor. Doesn't really work for me.

**Disclaimer: Only in my fantasys I created Harry Potter. (However I do own Tori, my silly brunette OC.)**

**Thanks to alwaiiz, IAMaMUDBLOOD, acidxlullaby, RisingXXAngel, readysetsmile, La Femme Du Lac, FireEyedStranger, and Chaosmaiden07 for reviewing! It means a lot and please, keep it up :)**

Anyway, here's chapter three!

* * *

_James Potter's incredible guide_ _to winning Lily Evans's heart.  
Fear it.  
Read it.  
Study it.  
Live it._

Things James should know about Lily Evans.

_1. She might just not speak French._

"Les roses sont rouges, violettes sont bleus, la vie est chouette parce que je vous aime."

The loud, familiar voice had reached Lily's ears before she had a chance to see the speaker. Nonetheless, this voice was unmistakably James's.

"Come again?" she said, simply, dog-earing her book and looking up at him.

"Ahhh, but language canot separate us, Miss Evans."

"Potter—"

"M'épouser, Lily?"

The redhead sighed and looked around the room. "Tori?" she addressed one of her friends, who looked up from a book of her own.

Tori shrugged. "I'm pretty sure he just proposed in French, Lily."

"Ah, lovely." Lily muttered and walked away infront of a pleading James.

_2. She doesn't particularly like cheesy compliments._

"Your hair looks lovely today." Out of the blue; no reason; random. Three phrases to describe this declaration.

Lily simply looked up at the speaker, James, questioningly, and said, "Mmhmm."

"Lord, _you_ look lovely today."

"Mmhmm."

"You always look lovely."

"Mmhmm."

"Just like a flower."

"Mmhmm."

"Like a _Lily_!"

"Gee-"

"So the Hogsmede trip this weekend-"

"Goodbye, Potter."

_3. She doesn't particularly like insulting compliments (if there is such a confusing thing)._

"Your hair looks lovely today."

"Oh, Lord, Potter. Is this going to be like yesterday?"

"No, no. I just wanted to say."

"Well, thanks, I guess." Lily looked uneasy.

"No problem. You know Christmas is really soon."

"Yeah, I know."

"No I mean… you're wearing a green headband. Festive already, hm?"

Lily's eyes rolled up though she couldn't see her hair from there. She paused, and then, grumbling, she removed the headband from her hair and started up the stairs.

_4. She _likes_ to learn._

"Whatcha doin', Tiger Lily?"

"Studying. Go. Away." Lily flipped a page in her Runes text book.

"Studying?" James repeated. "That word just isn't familiar. What is stud-y-ing?"

"Potter- please."

James shook his head disappointedly and took the book from her hands, holding it upside down and looking insanely confused. "I just don't get it." He tossed the book back to her. "Shouldn't you be doing something more interesting?"

"Sure, and just fail Ancient Runes?" Lily scoffed.

"What a _sin_. Ancient Runes- I have failed you." James looked down as if terribly sorry about something.

"Potter-"

"Look, all I'm saying, is that you _might_ be spending too much time studying and _maybe_ you should be out living your life instead of studying _Runes._"

Lily scoffed. "Please." Then she tipped her head back to stare at the ceiling. "Remind me again why I study in the common room?" she asked herself, and then started up the stairs to the girl's dormitory.

_5. Snowballs? Not in the face!_

Kshh.

Kshh.

Kshh.

Lily rolled over in her bed, half asleep, but was fully awoken when she landed with a soft thud on the floor. She ran her hand through her hair, and was suddenly rattled by something soft hitting her window.

Kshh.

Kshh.

Kshh.

Lily stood up and looked at the window. At. Not out, for it was completely coated in snow. When they finally slid off so that she could see out of the window, she paused, comprehending the little speck. Hmm. A little speck with black mussy hair and glasses, with several coats wrapped around him.

Kshh.

Kshh.

Kshh.

Lily threw the door open.

"You live to terrorize me, is that it?" she screamed.

James, apparently, did not hear her.

There was another soft 'Kshh,' but this time the snow had not made collision with her window, but rather with Lily Evans's face.

"POTTER!"

_6. She doesn't have quite too many secret admirers. And she likes stealing chocolates from people. Not nice._

"JAMES POTTER," Lily called one warm afternoon. She standing by the foot of the stairs that led to the boys dormitory, she was surrounded by various pink hearts, chocolates, and flowers.

She only had to wait a moment, tapping her foot, before James appeared in front of her, grinning brazenly. "You rang?"

"Will you _please_ stop with the insane presents?" Lily said, as politely as she could. Believe it or not, it wasn't a very easy thing to do.

"What?" James asked, coyly.

"Flowers, candies, cards, hearts… this would be lovely to an extent."

"Hmm?" James said innocently, and picked up one of the cards and flipped it to the back. "These aren't from me," he lied.

"Who else would be sending me secret admirer stuff?" Lily demanded.

"Adam Forely. He's a stalker."

"Stop with the presents, you hypocrite," Lily said, shoving several cards into his hands. She started for the girl's dorm.

James shrugged and picked up a box of chocolates.

Lily turned around and walked back over, grabbing the chocolates from his hands. "Can't pass up Honeydukes!" she said, and then winked at him and walked off, leaving James defeated, and chocolate-less.

_7.She's good at getting you back if you try to make her jealous._

"Hey, Lily, want to go with me to Hogsmede?" James asked brightly, interrupting Lily from reading a very productive page on Grindylows out of her DADA text book.

"Hmm?"

"Don't make me ask again."

"Oh. Rain check."

"That's okay," James said. "I just remembered I'm taking Sarah Hanks."

"That's nice."

"We're going to Honeydukes."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, I'm going to get her some of those chocolates you like so much."

"I'm sure that'll be lots of fun."

Before James had a chance to reply, a tall brunette boy walked up to Lily. "Are we still on for Hogsmede next weekend, Lily?"

"Yeah! See you later, Adam," Lily said eagerly. Adam grinned and walked off. Lily turned to James. "What was that about Sarah?"

James scowled and walked away, seeing it risky to push the point further.

_8. She doesn't like it if you talk to the wrong girl._

James stumbled in past curfew one night, obviously insanely drunk. He plopped down on the couch next to Tori. Lily was sitting in an armchair studying.

James drunkenly put his arm around Tori who began giggling furiously. Lily looked over, sighed and rolled her eyes, and then looked back to her book.

"You know... Lily..." James spluttered. "Waiiitt... did you do... something with... your hair? ...It's... brown!" he panted a bit then continued. "No matter... you still look lovely... and... anyway... yeah. Will you go... out with me?"

Tori sniggered and elbowed James. "Lily's over there," she said, chuckling.

James's eyes perked up behind his glasses. He removed his hand from Tori's shoulders and looked at Lily like he'd never seen her before.

Lily stood up, sighing. "Goodnight, Potter," she breathed, and then walked off.

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**AN: In retrospect, I think this was the least I could do. And I apologized if you only chuckled or didn't laugh at all, which I can completely understand. My 'funniness' muse has left me and I just can't find it. But I promise the next chapter will be dripping with it. I'm also thinking of doing something funny like that from Lily's point of view, or somewhat Lily's side of the story, quite like this, so keep looking! Anyway, read and review!**


	4. One Don't Do: Piglatin

**-Dodges bullets-  
Okay, so I know I can't really use the writer's block excuse, but it played a part, along with schoolwork, exams, babysitting, etc. Give me a break. 7th grade is a _hard year. _xD**

**So I've only produced one 'Don't do,' because my brain just won't give me any more ideas. If you have any, feel free to let me borrow some. I don't mind. I'll give you credit. C:**

**Anyway.**

**So a lot of this is in Piglatin, one of those silly change-the-word-around-to-confuse-the-hell-outta-people languages. So the translation will be behind it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. Including Piglatin.

* * *

**

_Another 'don't-do' brought to you by James Potter._

Pig Latin.

"Ello-hay, Evans-ay," **(Hello, Evans.)**James said a warm October afternoon, bursting into the common room like a famous movie-start. "Ow-hay are-ay ou-yay?"**(How are you?)** he asked, plopping himself onto the couch next to her and folding his hands pleasantly.

"I'll-ay et-bay ou-yay ave-hay o-nay idea-ay at-whay I'm-ay aying-say."**(I'll bet you have no idea what I'm saying.)**

Lily let out an exaggerated sign and rubbed her temples. "Please, Potter, I need to study for term finals and I have a splitting headache. Can we do this, say, tomorrow?"

"O-nay, illy-say ily-Lay. Ommorow-tay I'm-ay ooked-bay."**(No, silly Lily. Tommorow I'm booked.)**

Lily rolled her eyes and dug in her bag, producing a fistful of coins. "I'll give you seven sickles to go away," she offered, like it was an amazing deal on his part.

James put his hand to his heart, looking mock-offended. "O-nay amount-ay of-ay oney-may an-cay eep-kay e-may om-fray ou-yay."** (No amount of money can keep me away from you.)**

Lily took a deep breath, and said, "Ames-jay Otter-pay, et-gay e-they ell-hay away-ay om-fray e-may or-ay I'll-ay ex-hay ou-yay oo-tay Africa-ay." **(James Potter, get the hell away from me or I'll hex you to Africa.) **She paused and squinted into space, trying to make sure she'd gotten that right. "Clear?"

"Ystle-cray." **(Crystal.)**

God, she could do _anything._

_

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_

**A/N: I might just start posting little don't-do's as they come to me, instead of waiting for ten to pile up. If it took me this long to get one, think of how long it would take me to get two. Be patient. CC:**


	5. The Christmas Edition Special!

**I'm FINALLY posting! After, what, three months? Sorry it took so long. Hope you don't hate me. Anyway. Here you go.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Charries but the rarely-used Tori. **

James Potter's Incredible Guide to Winning Lily Evans's Heart.  
Fear it.  
Read it.  
Study it.  
Live it.

_The very late Christmas Edition_

**_There are actually a number of things you shouldn't do around Christmas time... these are just a few. These rules are never to be broken, on penalty of death, or worse, depending on Ms. Evans's mood on that day._**

**1. No need to point out the obvious; she already knows what colors her hair and eyes make together.**

James Potters stared at Lily.

She tried her best to ignore him, really she did, every day. But every day he seemed to do something new, and her patience ran thin. And her short temper didn't help on his part much, either. She decided to get whatever he was going to do today over with, so she could move on with her life.

"What is it?" She looked up from her book to face him.

"You're Christmas colors," he announced.

Lily looked at her arm. Surely if her skin had been hexed she would have noticed. "What are you talking about?"

"Red and green; Christmas."

She squinted at him, confused and annoyed.

"Oh," she said, finally, glancing at the thick red hair on her shoulder. "Yes, I know."

James grinned at her. "You're an observant little bugger aren't you?"

"Get lost, Potter."

**2. Mistletoe. Not a good thing.**

Lily Evans whacked aimlessly above her head, perturbed.

One of her friends, Tori, noticed this strange behavior. "Lily," she questioned. "What are you doing?"

"I… can't… reach… it…" Lily grunted between whacks.

Tori glanced above Lily's head. Sure enough, there was mistletoe floating right above it. But that was to be expected; it was Christmas at Hogwarts. "I don't see the problem. It's just decoration."

Lily stopped jumping up and down and looked at Tori. She stepped to the right; the mistletoe moved with her. She stepped to the left, and it happened again, staying parallel to her movement.

Tori let a short giggle escape. "I see your point."

Lily groaned, again staring up at the mistletoe. Someone behind her rapped on the wall to get her attention.

Lily turned around to see James, grinning at her. She glared at him.

"Funny finding you here, Evans. And, oh my." He glanced up to where the mistletoe hung, suspended in the air by magic, and then back to Lily, his faux confused expression now replaced with a sly grin. "Mistletoe. Well," he sighed. "You know what that means." He leaned in, closing in on her, expectantly.

Lily wasted no time. She stomped hard on his foot.

With a gasp of pain, James grabbed said injured foot and began jumping around on his good leg, causing the scene he always managed to cause.

Lily pointed her wand at the mistletoe above her head, annoyed she hadn't thought of this sooner, and said, "Accio mistletoe." It flew down into her free hand. She dropped it on the ground, and stomped hard. When would it end?

**3.Words that should never be strung together… ever, ever: The, Twelve, Days, Of, and Christmas.**

_On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me-_

"A pear tree?" Lily Evans said, mildly baffled by the strange gift. It had appeared in her room, right next to her bed, roughly two weeks before Christmas. **(A/N: After Christmas, maybe? In this song, I don't know if "The first day of Christmas" starts twelve days **_**before**_** or one day **_**after**_** Christmas. Sorry for the confusion.)** There was a small tag attached to one of the higher branches. She pulled it off and read, in a messy, familiar handwriting, _Happy first day of Christmas._

She sighed. It was obviously from James. One of her friends- traitor- must have delivered it for him, unless, of course, he snuck into the girl's dormitory after hours, which she wouldn't put past him. She shoved the potted plant out of the way, making a note to herself to get rid of it by any means possible as soon as she found the time, and walked downstairs.

James was running back and forth around the common room, stirring up chattering conversation and, of course, all eyes were on him. For a moment she couldn't tell what he was running after but it soon became clear: he was chasing an excited, fluttering white bird that was flying from perch to perch along the walls of the common room. **(A/N: Okay, so, I don't know if partridges are actually white. But sue me- I didn't feel like googling it.) **

When he heard her coming down the steps he immediately turned to catch her skeptical eye, frowning. "Go back upstairs. Your present isn't ready yet."

"More like, her present is flying across the room?" Sirius prompted from his perch across the room next to Remus and Peter.

Lily yawned, ignoring Sirius's comment. "Isn't it a little early for Christmas presents, anyway?"

James shook his head stubbornly and grinned. Without replying, he made another jump for the partridge, which had just made a low dive for the mantle over the fireplace.

"Everybody quiet," he said theatrically, and the room was immediately hushed. James crept slowly over to the mantle, and just as slowly reached for the bird. His hand made contact with it for a split second before it got spooked and flew across the room again.

It landed in Lily's hair. She screamed in shock, stumbling down the last of the stairs and bumping into James in her haste, knocking him over. But the bird had a firm grip in her hair, and it wasn't letting go. James used the side of a couch to help himself up, and then met her glaring eyes sheepishly. He reached for the bird quickly and managed to constrict it firmly in his hands. Lily's eyes narrowed, but she was immediately distracted by a horrible smell.

"What _is_ that?" she demanded of no one in particular. She turned to the side and saw it on her shoulder- partridge droppings.

"Uh!" she groaned, and immediately made for the dormitory room again, fixed on changing and taking another shower to get the bird germs-disgusting- out of her hair, and the obvious off of her shoulder. But James stopped her, putting his hand on her clean shoulder and spinning her around.

"Here," he said, handing her the fluttering bird.

She glared, about to release it into the common room out of spite, but saw a note attached to its leg. She removed it and read the simple sentence. _On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: A partridge in a pear tree._

She looked up to see him smiling bashfully up at her, as he said, "The partridge part got away, though- sorry about that."

She leaned in close to his face, as she always did before she made a threat. "If I see a trace of a turtle dove anywhere tomorrow, I'll blow you to kingdom come."

James gulped as she walked away, completely believing that she'd hold her promise. Unfortunately, the Twelve Days had already started- he couldn't just stop there.

**On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me-**

"I said _no_ turtle doves, Potter!" Lily said, her greatest weapon-glaring eyes- fixed on an unperturbed James. Said doves had been fluttering around her dorm all morning, and were impossible to get rid of. In the end she'd ended up freezing them, putting them on the ledge by her window, and unfreezing them. They'd happily flown outside.

"Yeah, I know," he chirped, grinning. "But you were wasting your breath. Do you know how hard it is to get _turtle_ doves? Impossible. I tried to get one from a chalice," he shook his head, the grin on his face sliding into a disappointed frown. "But it turned into a peacock and tried to kill poor Peter. So I gave up." Then the grin returned. "They're normal doves. Sorry, but, like I said. It was the best I could do."

"Potter!" she roared in anger.

"Evans!" he mocked in a high pitched voice, trying to sound like her. Then he snatched her hand and kissed it, saying, "I'm sorry, but when your true love starts sending you gifts- he just doesn't stop."

"Well," she said, pulling her hand out of his grip. "My 'true love'-" she put air quotes around the words to make it clear that she didn't feel that way for him "-had better quit, or he may just wake up tomorrow morning, dazed and confused, on a cargo ship to Africa."

James didn't get a chance to ask her what a cargo ship was- she had already stormed away.

**On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me- three French hens...**

"This is out of control."

"You think so?"

"I'm sorry! I had no idea this would happen!"

"Yeah, well, sorry doesn't quite cover it."

"Remus _told_ me I was doing it right-"

"Well maybe _you_ should have paid more attention in class!"

James cast Lily his most upset-looking frown; Lily cast James her hardest glower.

He honestly had tried. He'd managed to get one French Hen from a pencil- he _had_ been paying attention in Transfiguration- and then he'd gotten lazy and decided just to duplicate two more, instead of doing the spell two more times. The first hen came out just fine. The second two, however, weren't quite so okay. Since the minute they were left alone, they started laying eggs, strange as it seems, and never stopped. By the morning, the common room was full of eggs, mostly cracked by the unsuspecting Gryffindors, only a few remaining whole, and the hens were still laying.

"They're not stopping," James said unhelpfully. The two were mulling through the common room, trying to find the hens, before cleaning up the mess. Lily didn't know why she was helping, it should only be _him_ cleaning up the mess that _he'd_ made.

"I can _tell_ they're not stopping, Potter!"

"Jeesh. No need to be rude."

"There is a need to be rude! I-" she started, but stopped herself. If she let herself, she'd go off into one of her rants, and then there'd be no coming back. And she couldn't waste time ranting. She needed to find thosedamn hens. "Let's just find the bloody chickens."

"Erm- I think they went into the girl's dormitory," James informed her, glancing at a trail of whole eggs leading up the stairs.

Grumbling incoherently, Lily began up the stairs. James stayed in place. She turned to glare at him. "Well?"

"I can't go up there."

"Why not? It's not like you haven't been hundreds of times!"

"I know," he admitted. "But not during the day."

"Come on, you bloody coward. You're already in trouble as is. You might as well do the job the whole way through."

He shrugged, still not seeing her point, but followed her upstairs anyway.

The two hens were sitting on top of her bed. Of all the beds, _hers_, honestly! They were atop a yolky mess of cracked eggs. They were both sitting down, side by side. Most likely, laying.

"_Stupify_!" Lily said, pointing her wand at the pair, not wanting to have to deal with flustered hens.

James walked over and scooped them into his arms. "I'll take these downstairs. You'd better clean up this mess." He began walking to the door.

With a growl, Lily lifted a whole egg off her bed. She turned it over in her hand, trying not to give into temptation. But it got the best of her. "Potter?" she called after him.

He turned, his expression oddly mundane, like this happened everyday. "Yeah?"

She threw the egg at him, hard; it splattered on his forehead.

He sighed, taking off his glasses to wipe his face. "Okay- you don't have to say it- 'no more Christmas presents.'" He mocked her voice.

"You got it."

He turned without a word, and headed downstairs.

**(A/N: So what is a calling bird, anyway? Yeah, I have no idea, do you? Again, don't feel like googling. So, here you go.)**

**On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: four calling birds…**

"Caw! Caw! Caw!"

"Somebody shut those bloody birds up!"

"Caw! Caw! Caw!"

She had tried, she really had. In the middle of the night, Lily woke up and turned over, seeing four little birds perched by the foot of her bed. She had thought of them as cute, safe, possibly one present that couldn't do her harm. But of course, she was proven wrong.

"Caw! Caw! Caw!"

She'd gotten up and release the birds; they'd flown out and perched in a tree a bit away from the building. She'd closed the window, gotten back in bed, and thought nothing more of it.

"Caw! Caw! Caw!"

"_Somebody shut those bloody birds up!"_ someone repeated. People had been calling it as they woke up left and right. Obviously no one liked James's present very much. In the next hour after she'd released them, they'd started caw-ing like there was no tomorrow. Loudly. Loudly enough to wake anyone up. Who knew such small, innocent birds could have such loud, annoying voices?

"Caw! Caw! Caw!"

She struggled to see her watch clearly. It was five in the morning. The sun was rising. But she'd lost a lot of sleep to those bloody birds.

"Caw! Caw! Caw!"

Finally fed up, Lily rolled out of her bed, quite literally, falling on the floor. The impact completely woke her up; she stood up, and opened her window.

"Avad-" she started to say the killing curse, drowsy still, not realizing that it was illegal. Remembering, she restarted.

"Stupify! Stupify, stupify, stupify!" she cried, pointing her wand at each of the four birds in turn. And each in turn froze, and fell off their branch onto the cold ground.

She heard a quiet round of muffled, sleepy "thank you's" as she climbed back in bed, clicking her bedside lamp off, though that didn't stop the light from the sun from coming in. She turned over and tried to get back to sleep. She'd deal with James in the morning.

**On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me- five golden rings…**

Lily woke up after a long night's rest, feeling refreshed, and actually optimistic. She could believe that James could totally screw up with the first four days of Christmas, but what could go wrong with rings? Even James couldn't mess _that_ up…right?

After she showered and changed, she walked back out to her bedside stand, immediately spotting a small, white box with a red bow on it. See, that was simple. All he had to do was that: a box with five rings in it. What could go wrong?

She pulled the small box off of the stand and sat on her bed, immediately taking the ribbon off the box and opening it. Inside, neatly placed, and totally innocent and harmless, was a small… folded piece of paper. She sighed, her hopes immediately falling. Of _course_ he had to make it complicated. Why, for even a second, had she thought otherwise?

Against her better judgement, she unfolded the piece of paper. In his messy handwriting was scrawled, simply, _Three steps forward. Twelve steps to the right._

With a short groan, Lily stood up. Feeling rather stupid, she took three steps forward and nearly ran into her dresser. Then she turned and took roughly fourteen steps to the right, and came face to face with the exit of the girl's dormitory. Above the door, stuck on a nail, was another scrap of paper. She reached up and grabbed it, pulling it down. On this one, it said, _Good job. Now, go through the portrait hole._

Quietly this time, Lily walked down to the portrait hole. On the outside, on the floor below the portrait, was another piece of paper. Lily rolled her eyes as she bent down to lift it up. Leave it to James to be that stupid: leaving the next scrap where anyone could pick it up or it could get misplaced. She could've gotten here to find nothing here. Regardless, she unfolded the paper. _Outside. Through the back door that's closest to the Gryffindor Tower._

As she obliged, she wrapped her arms around her chest, bracing against the cold. Outside, tacked above the exit, was another note. _Good, you've gotten here so far. Now out by that big oak tree you're always hanging out by. Alone, I might add. Well, with books. Are they your friends? Sorry, I'm getting off topic. Yeah, so… oak tree._ She scowled to the note, wishing James were there with her now, so she could slap him or worse. She started towards the oak, the cold winds bitterly biting at her bare face.

She looked around for another piece of paper, expecting it to be nailed to the oak tree or something. Instead, nailed there, were, like in the song, five golden rings. Each a different style, two with diamonds (fake, most likely), one with an emerald gem, and the other two simply golden. She felt the smile come back to her face as she took them off of the tree and tried one on; it fit perfectly. In spite of herself, she gave James some credit. He'd gotten one right.

Or at least, she thought so.

"Shh! She got them!" James's voice came from directly above her, stage whispering as if she really wouldn't be able to hear. She glanced up.

"I think she's looking at us," whispered Sirius in the same moronically oblivious tone.

"Of course she's looking at us you bugger, she's about to thank me for her lovely present."

Lily remained quiet as James slid down through the branches of the tree. He held onto one right above her and it bent with his weight, lowering her down. When his feet touched the ground, he grinned at her, still holding the branch.

The snow that had built up overnight started sliding off the branch. Lily glanced at it and opened her mouth to tell him to let go, but before she could, the snow had slid off, and was now on her head, her shoulders, in her shirt, soaking her through and through.

"Potter!"

**A/N: **

**Okay this was posted in haste, I have to be somewhere. Sorry for any errors, but I'll fix them when I get around to them.**

**That's it! You'll get the other seven, um, after I write them. But it won't be long. A couple days at the most, since I already have ideas. I hope you liked this chapter! It certainly was fun to write. And I **_**know**_** that it's WAYY to late for Christmas stuff. It's March. (Aka, my Birthday Month. I'm turning 13 on the 28****th****. Woo! I'll finally be old enough to actually use this site. xD) But I was thinking of Valentines and Easter and New years stuff, but I couldn't do that until I gave you a Christmas edition! Hope you liked it! Thanks to my sister (moonfyre), aka my unofficial Beta, even though she didn't help much with this chapter. Bye!**


	6. The Christmas Edition Special: Part 2!

**Whoot! It's finally the second half of the Christmas edition, the continuation of the Twelve days of Christmas! Read and review, and enjoy, please! Sorry it took so long. D:**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, including the truly adorable Lily/James couple. I do, however, own my OC's, Tori, Layla, Olivia, and Charlotte. **

**

* * *

**

**James Potter's Incredible Guide to Winning Lily Evans' Heart.  
**  
_Fear it.  
Read it.  
Study it.  
Live it._

**The Christmas Edition: Part 2**

**On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me- six geese a-laying…**

"Do you think she'll mind if they don't _actually _lay eggs?"

"Prongs, I honestly think that she's had enough eggs. You know, with the whole chicken episode?"

"Hens, actually. They were French _Hens_."

"Oi—don't get all defensive because you screw up everything you touch."

"I don't _screw up_ everything I touch. Sometimes it just… comes out differently than I'd hope. The golden rings part was going perfectly until--"

"Prongs! Watch where you're pointing that wand!"

…

"Do you think she'll notice?"

"Do you think she can possibly _not_ notice?"

Lily rolled over in her bed, finally accepting the fact that she was, indeed, awake, and that the loud voices coming undoubtedly from the common room were in fact real, and that today was the sixth day of Christmas. How did that song go? _Three French hens, Four calling birds, Five golden rings… Six…_What was it? _Six…_

It could have been anything. Maybe it was _six poisonous caterpillars_ or _six loaded machine guns_ or _six drunken strippers_. Even if it were something small and simple, she knew, like it had for the rings, something was going to go horribly, horribly wrong.

Climbing out from under her warm blankets, she stretched out the full length of her body, gave herself a moment or two to regain the full use of her legs, and pulled down her long t-shirt sleeves she'd worn to sleep so she wouldn't freeze to death. She ran a comb through her hair but didn't bother changing for the Saturday morning. With a deep breath that didn't do her much good, she started down the stairs.

_Geese_, she realized. _Six geese a-laying_. Flashbacks of the French Hen episode flashed in her head, and she made sure to watch her step for assorted egg shells.

The continuation of the conversation Lily previously listened to in the girl's dormitory wafted through the air.

"You really need to work on your duplicating spells," Sirius's voice sounded.

"Shut up, just help me get rid of this thing," James' snapped, annoyed.

"Why? I think we should cut off its head – _heads_—and hang them on the wall, like the muggle hunters do. Why should we let such beauty go to waste?" Sirius jeered.

Lily stepped into the common room, empty apart from the two marauders and a few other people who were insane enough to be up this early on a Saturday. The two were standing side by side, facing the opposite direction, standing close enough that they were blocking whatever they were staring down at. Lily remained silent, shamelessly eavesdropping.

"Ha, ha," James said, dryly. "That's a good one. But, honestly, what are we going to do with this?"

"Who's 'we'?" Sirius asked. "I never agreed to help with this."

"Did so," James said childishly.

"Channel your inner Moony." Sirius suggested.

"My inner _what_?"

"Inner _whom_, I think it is," Sirius corrected. "Inner _Moony_. He always knows what to do. Think like him."

"I don't think that Moony would ever be in a situation like this."

There was a loud, quacking noise. Followed by several more very loud overlapping quacking noises.

"They're very talkative, eh?" Sirius continued.

"Will you shut up? I'm trying to channel my inner Moony."

Sirius sighed, shaking his head in a joking manner. In the process, he caught a glimpse of the redhead spying on the two.

"Oh, hello there, Evans," he said.

"Very funny," James snapped, still looking down at whatever was making the quacking noises.

"Fancy seeing you here so early," Sirius continued. "Why, James and I were just wrapping your present. I'm sure you're going to adore it."

"I _know_ she's not honestly there," James said. "You can cut the sh--" James's vulgarity was cut off when he noticed Lily out of the corner of his eye.

"Oh. Hi, Evans," he said, very nearly blushing.

Without returning the greeting, Lily tipped her head to the side in an attempt to see over his shoulder. "What have you got there?"

"It's nothing," James said, spreading his legs so that her view of the creature was completely obstructed. "Nothing you'd be interested in, anyway."

"Oh, _really_?" Lily took a step to the side at the same time James did, determined to block her view.

"Really. But you could come back in—say, an hour or so, then you can see it. Sound good?"

"I thought I wouldn't be interested"- Lily took a step in the other direction, and James did as well. "In this. Right?"

"Not in it's current"- Lily took another step that James had to match. "State, you wouldn't. But give it an hour or so--"

Lily gave him a classic fake out, making a move that made it look like she was heading to the left, and then darting to the right, sending James tumbling in the wrong direction as she took a peek at what he was hiding, and nearly gagged.

Have _you_ ever seen a goose with six heads, twelve wings and feet, and three tails attached to one body?

"I _told_ you that you wouldn't be interested," James mumbled, sourly.

The goose-creature honked. _One_ of the heads did, at least.

"But, like I said, in an hour or--"

"Don't even _bother_," Lily snapped, clenching her hand over her mouth, nauseated. Then she looked up at James. "I _mean_ it. _Don't. Bother._" She turned and walked back upstairs.

"_Told you_," Sirius mumbled in the form of a cough.

James glared at him and resisted the urge to _Kedavra_ the bloody goose.

**On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me – seven swans-a swimming…**

The stairs were wet.

Lily stopped short when she discovered this. There was a trail of water rising ever so slowly, but rising nonetheless up the stairs to the girls' dormitory, the water already drowning the first step. Without thinking, she pulled her shoes and knee-highs off and waded into the nine-inch deep, freezing cold water in the common room.

Behind her, girls were slowly stopping at the second step, not walking into the water, chattering animatedly, some annoyed, some amused at the water that had seeped throughout the entire common room. She rolled her eyes, almost disappointed that she was the only one who would do anything about it.

But then, she had a feeling she knew who was behind this.

She waded over to the base of the boy's dormitory, water sloshing with each of her steps. As like the girls, there were several boys congesting traffic on the stairs to their dormitory.

"Where's Potter?" she asked a young boy who was obviously a first year.

"Who?"

"Where's James Potter?" She demanded again. "About this high, dark hair, glasses?" she asked, raising her hand about six inches over her head.

"Oh, him," the first year said. "I think I heard him say he was going get buckets or something."

"Is that right?" Lily mumbled, more to herself than to the first year. "That's what he said?"

Promptly, James appeared at the foot of the staircase, also barefoot.

"Evans. What a nice surprise," he said, pleasantly. Lily noticed he held a bucket at the length of his arm.

"Potter. What are you planning to do about this?" she asked, gesturing behind her, her arms folded unpleasantly.

"Funny you should ask," James said, although Lily didn't think it was all that funny. "But there is a perfectly reasonable explanation."

Lily stared at him, and he smiled back, pleasantly.

"Well?" Lily demanded after a few moments of this.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Were you _waiting_ for the explanation?" He laughed aloud.

Lily narrowed her eyes.

"You should just be thankful that I didn't try to duplicate the swans this time," James cracked. And then Lily remembered what the seventh day of Christmas was. _Seven Swans a-swimming…_

"So you flooded the common room instead?"

"Mind you, that was never really the _intention_," James said. "There was just a bit of an... overflow."

"Genius," Lily heard Remus mumble from his place behind James.

"May I?" Lily asked, holding out her hand. And then she added, "The bucket, if you will," when James looked confused.

He warily stepped into the water to hand her the bucket.

"Thank you," she said flatly, and scooped up a bucketful of the water that was slowly ruining the common room carpet. She wrapped her left arm around the bucket, still full of water, and pulled her wand out of her robes with the other. Pointing it in the basic center of the common room, she said, "_Siccussio!"_ **(A/N: Yes. I did make up my own spell using Latin. Sue me. Can I really get sued for that? If so, please don't take this literally. Thank you.) **And the water soon evaporated away, returning everything to its normal state. All the water, that is, except for the water in the bucket. She pocketed her wand.

"Come here," she said to James who glanced back at Remus, who shrugged.

Cautiously, James took a single step towards her.

Lily raised the bucket of water above his head and tipped it over, drenching him head to toe.

Remus burst into laughter that soon brought him to tears, along with most of the other boys on the stairs, and the sound of applause came from the girls on the other side of the room.

Lily shoved the bucket into the drenched and shocked James's stomach, and he clasped it with his hands.

"Happy Seventh Day of Christmas," she said merrily, and then walked back up into the girls' dormitory, the girls on the steps still applauding her.

**On the eight day of Christmas, my true love gave to me – eight maids a-milking…**

Lily was very pleased to see, when she walked down into the common room the next morning, that nothing was awry. No mutated birds, no eggs, no water-- just the common room. Not even a trace of James or his friends.

She was also pleased to get through her first three classes safely, eat lunch without anything popping out at her, and then have her afternoon classes without occurrence. In fact, as she walked back into the common room after the day was over, flanked by two of her friends, she didn't even expect anything to be wrong. The fact that maybe Potter _had_ grown up crossed her mind a few times, but she'd quickly reminded herself that that was impossible.

_Eight Maids a-milking_… he probably couldn't come up with anything suitable for that. Too lazy or just not bright enough. How perfectly, _typically_ James.

If only that were true.

Lily stopped short when she stepped into the common room.

For once, he hadn't done a thing wrong in presentation.

There were four cows, lined up, with two house elves on either side, milking them, or pretending to at least. The awful smell of the cows mixed in with the scent of warm milk made her gag, and she noticed that the common room, as usual when James pulled a stunt like this one, was inhabited by only few, most of whom were waiting to see Lily's reaction, she knew.

James appeared, walking towards her with a giant grin on his face. "Dun-dun-a-dun!" he hummed, mocking a fanfare. "Here are your eight maids, commonly known as house elves, a-milking."

Lily paused for a moment, thinking of how to phrase this.

"Wow, you _honestly_ didn't screw up."

"Nope," James agreed, grinning. "I _honestly_ didn't screw up."

"You obviously put a lot of work into this," Lily continued.

"I did."

"Well, you did a nice job."

"Why, thank you."

"There's only one thing," Lily said, frowning, and staring past him to his extravagant gift.

James mirrored her look. "What?"

She turned back to him and cut her eyes. "What the hell am I supposed to do with eight house elves and four bloody cows?"

James stammered. "I-I actually didn't figure I'd get this far," he admitted.

"Oh, that's a shame," Lily said. "Because I don't date guys with no self confidence." And she pushed past him to walk into the common room.

**On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me—nine ladies dancing…**

James panicked. He didn't have enough ladies.

Out of all of Lily's friends, only four had agreed to help him out: Alice, Tori, Layla, and Olivia.

Which left him…

Six ladies short.

Five. _Five_ ladies short.

He raised up the pink dress and stared at it. He knew what he had to do.

--

Lily sat up in her four-poster bed and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. Her vision still slightly blurred, her eyes not yet adjusted to the light, she glanced to the bed on her right.

"Alice, would you turn the light--"

She blinked a few times. Alice wasn't in her bed.

She sat up and stretched. It wasn't too unlike Alice to be up early, studying or already eating breakfast and whatnot. She turned to her left. "Olivia--"

But she wasn't in her bed, either.

Lily stood up and walked to the fourth and fifth bed in the room. Tori's and Layla's beds were both empty as well. It wouldn't be as confusing if it weren't for the fact that those three would _never_ get up early if they could help it, especially not Layla or Olivia. Either they'd been kidnapped, or they were up to something. Was it her birthday? She shook her head, trying to clear it.

She turned the light on herself, got dressed, and headed downstairs.

Now, fully awake, Lily could actually appreciate what she saw, but she almost mistrusted herself, thinking she _must_ still be sleeping.

But she wasn't. It was true.

There were nine _ladies_, using the term loosely, right in front of her.

Tori, Alice, Layla, and Olivia all looked completely normal, for the most part at least, in pink ballgowns. They, too, however, were unable to hide their snickers and steal glances to the side at the, well, very _unusual_ sight.

James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Frank, Alice's boyfriend, all looked humiliated in their own pink ballgowns and curly blonde wigs.

Lily wasn't the only one grinning at the sight. The common room was buzzing with conversation. Lily heard, "I wish _my_ boyfriend would do that for me."

"Is this for real?" Lily said quietly, until she couldn't contain her laughter anymore, and let it all flow out, Alice, Tori, Layla and Olivia following suit. The boys remained silent, all grimacing.

"I need a picture of this," Lily gasped between giggles. "Does anyone have a camera?"

"You shouldn't be so disrespectful, Lily," Alice mock-chided. "I think they all look _beautiful_."

Each of the boys grimaced, except for the flattered Peter who said, "Really? You think so?"

A sixth year girl, enveloped in laughter, produced a wizard camera.

Lily darted over to the _ladies_, and all of the girls automatically crouched in front of the boys, laughing and giggling as the sixth year snapped the picture.

"I owe you one," Lily told the sixth year as she handed her the picture that had just printed out of the camera. Alice, Layla, Tori and Olivia all flocked around her to look at it: a color moving shot of them nudging each other and each of the boys scowling. Except, of course, Peter, who smiled delicately and batted his eyelashes.

"This is _not_ worth ten galleons," Frank mumbled, taking off his wig and making to walk away.

"But, Frankie," Alice whined, giggling still. "You look so _pretty_!"

Sirius and Remus followed suit, storming up into their common room.

"Wait!" James called after them. "We didn't dance yet! It's 'nine ladies _dancing!'_ Come back!"

"Potter," Lily told him, "I can honestly say that this is the best present you've ever given me." She and the rest of the female ladies walked up to their dormitory, still laughing over the picture.

James, scowling at Sirius, Remus, and Frank's bail, but still happy to see Lily laughing so much, took off his wig and walked up to the boys dormitory.

Peter lingered behind, doing the dance that James had taught them all the previous night.

**On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me—Ten lords a-leaping…**

This time when all of her friends were missing from their beds, Lily didn't know what to expect, although she was already in a cheerful mood, since the first thing she saw when she woke up was the picture of the previous day that she had taped on the ceiling above her bed, of that one joyous present James had given her the previous day.

When she got to the base of the stairs, she discovered that her friends didn't find it quite so demeaning to dress as boys as the boys had to dress as girls, as they each wore their hair in buns, tailed tux's, top hats, and held canes in their hand, the same ensemble that the boys sported. The tenth 'lord' was the sixth year with the camera from yesterday, Charlotte, Lily had discovered later the previous day in the evening, her hair, too, up in a bun. She'd probably wanted to get in on the action, witnessing the hysteria yesterday, not to mention the fact that James was giving out ten galleons a piece.

They were all arguing about something animatedly, until Olivia noticed her and said, "Shh, it's Lily!"

Twenty eyes fell on her, and then James counted to three aloud, and each of the lords bounded into the air.

_High_ into the air. Their must've been some sort of jinx on their shoes or something, but with the pounce, they all flew quickly upward, touching the ceiling gently.

Lily raised an eyebrow.

There was a moment of complete silence, until Layla announced, "I think we're stuck."

They were, indeed stuck. They'd all stopped when they hit the ceiling, and had not come down. The five girls burst into laughter, Lily helplessly chuckling along with them. It wouldn't have been as funny if it weren't so many people. And the expressions on the boys' faces were _priceless_.

"A little help, Evans?" Sirius asked pleadingly. Lily, now full-out laughing, shook her head.

"Please?" Alice begged, still giggling.

"Fine," Lily said. She pointed at Alice. "_Tumulus_," she said, with a flick of her wand. **(A/N: Yes, another made up spell.)** She pointed to each girl, one after another, and said "_Tumulus_," to each in turn, and each glided slowly to the ground.

She cocked her head to the right, considering something slowly. Delicately, she pointed her wand at Frank. "_Tumulus_," she said. And then to Remus, "_Tumulus_."

As Remus and Frank made their way to their dormitory without so much as a glance in Sirius and James's direction, Lily chewed on her nail, taunting the remaining boys with whether or not she would leave them hanging. Literally.

"Nahh," she said, finally. "Let's go," she said, and she, and the rest of the female lords began walking to the girl's dormitory.

"_Evans!_" James and Sirius called to her as one.

"Charlotte," Lily said to her new ally, "What did you charm to help you jump so high?"

"Our shoes," Charlotte said.

"Just as I thought," Lily said, and turned to James and Sirius who were glowering at the six girls.

"Come _on_, Evans," Sirius persisted.

"Fine," Lily said, calmly, and pointed her wand in between them. "_Accio shoes_," she said calmly.

The instant their shoes flew to Lily, gravity took it's turn at the boys, sending them plummeting to the ground. As the six girls continued up the stairs, Lily was sure that she heard James say, "I preferred the ceiling."

**On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me— eleven pipers piping...**

Lily was pleased to see that Alice, Tori, Olivia, and Layla were safely and snugly snoring in their beds when she woke up. Which was undoubtedly unexpected.

Unfortunately, they didn't stay asleep for very long.

There was a loud, high pitched, screeching noise coming from downstairs that succeeded in waking every one of the girls. But by the time they were rubbing their eyes and asking who was strangling a cat, Lily was already downstairs.

Lily cover her ears with her hands, protecting them against a screech so loud and high pitched that it was sure to deafen her. She could only barely hear the muffled conversation that James was sharing with the ever loyal Remus, who also had his hands clenched over his ears.

"I can't get them to shut up!" James was saying to him, panicky and high strung. "This is not how it was supposed to work."

Around him, Lily saw several wind instruments—piccolos, flutes, or something along the lines of those—levitating around the room. It was now obvious where the sound was coming from.

He turned and noticed Lily.

"Oh, hi," he said, but she could barely hear him, even though he yelled. Then he turned back to the floating pipes.

"_Stupify_!" he cried, pointing at one. And then the next. "_Stupify, stupify, stupify_!" he cried, pointing to each in turn until all eleven lie motionless on the ground.

Lily removed her hands from her ears, the ringing of the screech still fresh in her ears.

"Why didn't you do that to begin with?" she snapped.

James looked embarrassed. "I wanted you to see them first, at least."

Lily frowned at him as he bent to pick up all of the pipes, staring at each one shamefacedly as he straightened out. For a moment—just a moment—she felt sorry for him.

Silently she turned to walk back upstairs and change.

James, humiliated and slightly ashamed, brought one of the pipes to his lips and blew. Instantly, the familiar screeching filled the room again as the pipe he'd blown floated out of his hand rekindled.

All sense of pity completely drained from Lily as she swooped around and pointed her wand. "_Stupify!_" she cried.

Whoops, she thought. She had _accidentally_ missed the pipe, and hit James with her spell.

_Accidentally._

_**On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me—Twelve drummers drumming, Eleven pipers piping, Ten lords a-leaping, Nine ladies dancing, Eight maids a-milking, Seven swans a-swimming, Six geese a-laying, Five golden rings, Four calling birds, Three French hens, Two turtle doves, And a partridge in a pear tree.**_

Lily woke up to the chatter of her friends. She sat up and stretched with an enormous yawn, letting her eyes adjust to the scene. Her friends were all chatting excitedly and getting dressed in Christmas get-ups, adding mistletoe earrings and snowman broaches and Christmas tree necklaces to their already overly red and green ensembles.

And she couldn't help but be happy. It was _Christmas_ for crying out loud, and if there was one day in the year where James may possibly be the least bit decent, it was today. Not to mention that this marked the end of the whole Twelve Days of Christmas episode—finally!

So she stood up and dressed in her own Christmas ensemble: a red pleated skirt and a green sweater, which was definitely too much, but she knew she could get away with it. Layla lent her some star earrings, Tori let her borrow a white gold necklace with a snowman in the center, and Olivia gave her some black flats. And, of course, Alice sat her down, along with Layla, Tori, and Olivia, and forcibly did her hair and makeup, pulling Lily's into a half pony tail, and applying mascara and blush to Lily's stubbornly fidgeting face.

And for once, she actually forgot about James, and forgot to dread whatever he had up his sleeve.

Through the whole day, exchanging carefully selected presents and reading Merry Christmas letters from home, enjoying the splendor of the annual Christmas feast, having shameless snowball fights, and then, later, as the sun set, roasting marshmallows in the common room fireplace (strictly against the rules), and watching the snowfall through the windows with her friends while hungrily drinking hot chocolate, Lily honestly did not think of James _once_.

Nor did she see him, apart from glimpses of him here and there, and of course, when he and the Marauders, and several other assorted people bombarded the common room with loud music and stolen butterbeer. But she actually didn't mind.

It was only as she pulled the covers over her body that night that she actually realized that he hadn't given her a present. For a moment she felt insulted, and then she felt nothing but relief as she let her eyes drift close.

And just as she was about to get to sleep…

_Kshh. Kshh. Kshh._

She lifted her head up. She had heard this sound before. She turned to see if her prediction was right… it was. The sound of snowballs gently hitting her window was softly filtering into the room. She stood up, and walked to the window, heaving it open. And then ducked quickly in preparation for the snowball that was bound to fly through the now open window as it had once before.

But it didn't come.

She stood warily and looked down onto the grounds. James looked tiny from way up here. But she could see him flicking his wand to the sky, where there was written in fireworks that resembled stars, _Come downstairs_.

Fifteen minutes later, she was bundled up in many layers, and trudging out into the thick snowfall, about six inches higher than it had been earlier. Her legs were getting soaked through, even through the layers, and the cold was biting at her only bare skin, her eyes. Even her nose and mouth were covered in a scarf, wrapped tightly twice around. It was _freezing_.

James was not so layered. His cheeks were a rosy red, and snowflakes dusted his eyelashes and hair—not for long, though, as he promptly ran a gloved hand through it as he glimpsed her.

"Hi, Evans," he chirped, merrily.

She lowered the scarf so that she could talk. "Hi, Potter," she returned, helplessly smiling at him. Maybe it was the flakes of snow on his eyelashes that made her smile. Maybe it was his rosy cheeks. Or maybe it was just because it was Christmas.

"Merry Christmas," he said.

"You too."

He jumbled something out of his thick jacket's pocket. It was the first time she'd seen him _willingly_ use something muggle: a cassette player. He pressed the _play_ button.

_We wish you a merry Christmas,_

_We wish you a merry Christmas,_

_We wish you a mer-_

"Damnit," James said, and pulled the tape out, flipped it over, reinserted it, and pressed play again.

_I don't want a lot for Christmas,_

_There is just one thing I need…_

James turned up the portable player and re-pocketed it, though the tune could still be heard. He offered Lily his hand. Hesitantly, Lily put hers in his, and he led her closer to the lake where a row of wizard fireworks resided.

James let go of her hand and pulled out his wand. "_Incendio_," he said, pointing it at the fireworks. One in a row, the ends lit on fire, and one in a row, they shot into the sky.

For a moment they could've been mistaken for muggle fireworks, exploding into an array of colors as they reached their peak in the sky. But as the seconds passed, the colors arranged themselves in various pictures. A Christmas tree. A heart. A star.

Lily noticed James fast forwarding through the end of the song, and a new one came on, perfectly in sync to the fireworks.

_On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…_

A partridge in a pear tree was assembled with the fireworks. Lily chuckled, shaking her head with pleasure, and James grinned over at her.

_On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…_

Two turtle doves appeared just as the partridge had, and then the partridge showed again as the song repeated the first day.

This continued for the entire song. French hens, calling birds, golden rings, geese, swans, maids, dancing ladies, leaping lords, pipers and drummers all danced about the sky each in turn, each as stunning and breathtaking as the next.

_And a partridge in a pear tree…_ the song concluded slowly after the fireworks had finished.

James again grinned over at Lily after turning off the cassette player. "How'd you like it?"

"I--" Lily started, but before she could finish, the fireworks exploded a brilliant white before fizzling out.

"Forgot about that part," James mumbled.

"It's--"

And as fast as they'd disappeared, the fireworks began again, this time flashing from picture to picture dangerously quickly. They flashed again and again, and then went into a spiral of mad colors and dancing lights that was definitely not intentional.

"Err…" James said quietly.

The colors and changes sped up until they were flashing so quickly among pictures that they began to give Lily a headache. The lights pulsed over and over until the next thing she knew, James had jumped down into the snow and pulled her along with him for protection against what he realized was about to happen. The fireworks exploded haphazardly in a giant flame that could have singed their eyebrows off had James not taken precautions.

Lily lifted herself up, spitting out snow, and James did the same.

He looked at her apologetically. She glared at him.

And just when he had given up hope, she burst into laughter.

"That was amazingly-" she said between giggles, pulling herself up, "-hilarious. I've never had a present that's come close." The grin melted into a softer, gentler, honest smile. "Thank you." And without thinking, she threw her arms around his neck, hugging him close.

"You're welcome," James mumbled into her hair.

She pulled back to get a full view of him, keeping her hands on his shoulders, him keeping his around her waist. She tilted her head to the side, looking at him for the first time—really _looking_ at him, and she knew this was it. This was going to be the moment when she gave into him, when he finally got his prize, and although she loathed the thought of it, at the same time… she almost didn't mind.

She leaned in closer to him.

And felt him lower his hands, lower and lower until he had a full grasp on her butt.

She reared back, and slapped him, and stormed off, embarassed of the whole scene she'd shared with him.

James, rubbing his already red cheek, the blow stinging ten times worse because of the freezing cold, called after her, "Merry Christmas!" He was happy for some reason, knowing full well that he'd completely blown a perfect moment. Although not being _too_ thrilled about it, he knew that even with the sour ending, he'd come one step closer to winning her over. And besides, their constant fighting was _nature._ And actually, kind of fun.

Lily, halfway across the grounds, didn't respond. And through the embarassment and shame, her heart still tingled from the moment they'd just shared.

**

* * *

**

I was just teasing you there. Of course I couldn't let James have her that quickly. It'd be too easy. xD  
And yes, I definitely DID enjoy the part where I made Peter act like a complete homo. I always enjoy things like that.

I hope you liked it! Please review!  
The New Year's edition will be posted ASAP!


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